Demon Hunting Soccer Mom
by Kelly the Vampire Witch
Summary: Buffy thought she was retired from Slaying, but has become a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom
1. Chapter 1

A/N This story is inspired by the Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom series by Julie Kenner. The song is a slight altering of Everclear's Volvo-Driving Soccer Mom.

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_Where do all the Slayers go  
When the lights go down?  
I wonder where all the Slayers go  
cause when you need one, they are never around_

I think they moved out to the suburbs  
And now they're blonde, bland, middle-class republican wives  
They all have blonde, bland, middle-class republican children  
Blonde, bland, middle-class republican lives

Where do all the Slayers go  
When the lights go down?  
I think I know where all the Slayers go  
They all become Demon-Hunting Soccer Moms

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My name is Buffy Anne Summers and I am a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom. Until two weeks ago I was just your average retired Slayer, who after saving the world from vampires, demons, and apocalypses decided to settle down and raise a family and leave Slaying to all the young Slayers my best friend Willow helped create.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mom, I can't find my cleats." Joy, my fifteen year old daughter, whined from her bedroom as I was down the hall changing her one year old brother James' diaper.

"Where did you take them off after your last practice?" I asked patiently, while I secured the last side strip and blew bubbles on his tummy making him smile.

"If I knew that I'd have them in my hands wouldn't I."

"Don't take that tone of voice with me young lady."

"I'm sorry mom, but I'm going to be late to my soccer game and everyone is counting on me."

"I'll come help you look," I sighed moving James to my hip.

&&&

We finally got to the soccer field on time and I pushed James' stroller over to the spot Willow had saved for me while Joy ran to the rest of her team. "Hey Will, sorry we're late but there was a missing cleat incident."

"Under the bed," Willow guessed.

"Isn't it always," I laughed.

Willow has been my best friend since I moved to Sunnydale my sophomore year of high school. We've been through a lot together, boyfriends, apocalypses, and boyfriends that start apocalypses.

"I hate to ask, but can you take Alice tonight?" Willow asked. "Seth found out that I was still talking to Kennedy and it brought up some old issues."

"He knows that you two work together and are not together, together anymore. You should be able to talk to anyone you want."

"Like Mark wouldn't freak out if he meet Angel."

"Totally unrelated, how did he find out anyway?"

"Xander has a big blabbermouth."

"Do you want me to put a hit out on him? I could get Giles to send in a Slayer."

"No, that would be a waste of a perfectly good Slayer."

"He could always send in a bad one."

"Yeah, but then she'd just fall in love with Xander and we'd be stuck with her."


	3. Chapter 3

Since I had both girls for the evening, I decided pizza was the best solution for dinner. Joy and Alice were now watching a comedy and discussing the hotness of the main actor since the plot was unremarkable. I'd read James his bedtime story and had gotten him to sleep at a reasonable hour. Mark had called to say he was in a city council meeting and would be home late. I was ready to lay down with a book for a nice quiet evening after I started the dishwasher and took the empty pizza boxes out to the trash. I was out at the trash can when I first heard the noise. I turned around and I was almost face to face with a vampire.

"Slayer" he sneered.

I only had a few seconds to deflect his blow and start coming up with a solution. In the old days I never left the house without a stake, but I hadn't seen a vampire in forever and had gotten out of the practice. A mistake I may well pay for tonight with my life. Luckily for me, my son had insisted in trying to help me rake leaves this morning so he could jump in the pile and the rake had been left a few meters from where I stood. Promising myself I would buy a new rake the next time I took Joy shopping. I jumped to the rake, broke it, and slammed the piece of wood into the vampire's heart. I took a deep breathe as the dust settled. "Time to talk to Giles."


	4. Chapter 4

"So Giles is sending in some help?" Willow asked the next morning over coffee.

"Yeah, I just don't want to have to train a new slayer on top of everything else." Buffy frowned.

"Maybe He'll send one of the original SITs. They're all really good."

"Maybe," Buffy admitted as the doorbell rang. "That must be her now."

"Hey B, the door was unlocked, very sloppy coming from THE slayer who got attacked last night."

Buffy and Willow both gave each other the please not her look, before Faith walked into the room.

"Faith, don't take this the wrong way, but why in hell did Giles send you?"

"Chill B, I'll totally keep everything on the down low. Besides Giles thought it might be better if the person who came to help you was familiar with your social structure. So where are the latest bounce and the two ankle biters?"

"Mark is at the law office, Joy is at school, and I put James in daycare for socializing. I just really think this is a bad idea. The two of us are great separated, but when we get together it always ends in disaster. I'm surprised you even agreed to come. "

"Well I was surprised too," Faith sat down at the table with Buffy and Willow, "last week when the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

"WHAT," both Buffy and Willow screamed in shock.

"Exactly my reaction," Faith agreed. "I mean I've bounced with a lot of guys, but I never thought I'd get pregnant."

"How did Robin take it?" Buffy asked. "I mean you two have been together since Sunnydale, so of course he's the dad."

"He's the dad," Faith confirmed, "and I haven't told him. In fact, besides the doctor, you are the only two that know. I thought you might be able to help me, being moms and everything. I'm really scared."

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"Hey Peaches," Spike smirked as he walked into the kitchen where Angel was heating up some blood. "Aw, you made me dinner."

"Get your own, Spike." Angel slapped Spike's hand away from his blood mug.

"You're in a mood," Spike commented.

"Well if you must know, I intercepted a disturbing call last night and didn't sleep very well."

"Connor boinking another big bad, I swear he has the worst taste in girls."

"Buffy was attacked in her front yard, Giles sent Faith to help."

"Why does he want to throw napalm onto the fire?"

"Robin thinks Faith is hiding something and might need girl time."

"Still Faith might make it hard for Buffy to protect her and the Lawyer's two nibblets."

"What Lawyer?" Illyria asked coming into the room, "another member of Wolfram and Hart that needs to be destroyed."

"No, Buffy has two kids with a lawyer named Mark," Spike told Illyria.

"Buffy had another child?" Illyria asked "As far as Willow has told me, Buffy only has a son with this Mark."

"She also has a daughter, Joyce" Spike told her.

"But she conceived Joyce with you, not this Mark."

Spike took one look at Illyria's honest face and Angel's guilty face and was out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

"Aunt Faith," Joy cried when she walked in the front door and saw her favorite aunt.

"Hey squirt, how's the karate?"

"I'm a green belt now," Joy smiled hugging her aunt. "I also kick ass on the balance beam, but someone doesn't think I should try-out for cheerleading."

"Between Karate, Gymnastics, and Soccer you think you have enough time to join the Cheerleading Squad?" Buffy looked at her daughter.

"So I'll stop studying, that'll kill at least two hours a night." Joy shrugged as she grabbed an apple and bounded upstairs.

"She's yours alright," Faith laughed at Buffy.

"Yeah," Buffy slightly smiled, "but I can still see a lot of her father in her."

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"I am going to kill Peaches for not telling me. I wonder who else knows. Does Buffy know? Does Buffy care?" Spike started getting a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Bloody Hell, I can't just show up on her doorstep fifteen years later and except everything to be the same. Well the hitting and throwing things at me part of our relationship yeah, but the other… I need a new plan."


	7. Chapter 7

"How about this one?" I asked picking up a Princess costume.

"Mom, I'm fifteen not eight." Joy snapped. "Anyway I was thinking about vampires."

"WHAT!!!" I screamed and then lowered my voice. "What about vampires."

"Duh, my Halloween costume. Goth is so in right now with Twilight and Vampire Diaries." Joy rolled her eyes.

"Oh of course," I started breathing normally again. "Well if that's what you want." I left Joy to pick out her costume and went over to the toddler section to get James the cutest pumpkin costume.

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"A vampire" I told Willow, "My own daughter wants to be a vampire."

"Well Spike was." Willow reminded me, "Besides costumes don't really mean anything unless you get them from Ethan."

"How would you feel if Alice wanted to be a witch?"

"Actually she is, she found one of Tara's old amulets and decided that is was cool."

"Oh Will, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, it was actually nice to remember her and I know she'd have loved Alice dressing up like her."

"I'll just be glad when Halloween is over."

"What's the worst that could happen? Willow asked before her eyes widened and she covered her mouth. "I really just jinxed us didn't I?"


	8. Chapter 8

"If she's alive I'll kill her," I thought as I frantically searched the empty streets at two a.m. for my daughter. I'd gone to Joy's room to check on her before I'd gone out to patrol only to find her bed empty. I'd called Willow to make sure that she hadn't gone over to her house. It had been an hour and I was frantic as I approached the cemetery to meet Faith.

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"So Mom and Aunt Cordelia were cheerleaders until a rat named Amy tried to kill them to get on the squad." Joy laughed.

"Well Amy was a human witch that accidently turned herself into a rat, but yeah."

"It's so cool hearing all these stories. Mom and Aunt Willow never tell me anything."

"They just want to protect you. Especially since no one could protect them."

"But you don't?"

"Of course I do, but I don't think leaving people unaware and defenseless protects them."

"I know karate and self defense,"

"And now you know to stick a vampire with a wooden stake through the heart. Please feel free to practice on Angel ."

"I still can't believe Uncle Angel is actually a vampire. I'm not sure if the fact that he's a vampire or he dated my Mom weird's me out more."

"At least Peaches knows the score unlike Lawyer guy."

"Mark's okay, but I wish she could have stayed with you."

"Me too nibblet," Spike hugged Joy, "me too."

"Joyce Anne Summers, you are so grounded," came a very familiar voice from the door.


	9. Chapter 9

"Mom, I can explain." Joy cried.

"Home. Now." I ordered as she bolted out the door.

"Buffy," said the image I was trying to avoid looking at.

"Look I'm sure you think its cute abducting teenage girls in the middle of the night looking like him, but…"

"B, it's really him." Faith panted running into the room.

"What?"

"The necklace when he died was connected to Wolfram and Hart and he's been staying with Angel, " Faith explained.

"You knew?" I looked at her, "and you didn't tell me."

"Buffy" the image tried again.

"And you," I turned on him tears welling up in my eyes, "decided that it was more fun to hang out with Angel than to even tell me you were alive. What, vampire don't like paying child support? You have no idea the pain you put me through. All of you." With that I bolted out of the crypt.

"That went well," Faith smiled encouragingly.

"Yeah," Spike agreed lighting a cigarette. "She could have started playing kick-the-Spike like she really cared."

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"Are you sure you're okay?" Mark asked "Do you want me to call Willow?"

"I'll be fine sweetie, I just need some rest."

"Okay," he said uncertainly, "Joy is taking care of James and if you need anything I'm just a phone call away."

With that he kissed me goodbye and I was able to mope in peace.


	10. Chapter 10

I still felt numb. I had spent the entire day alone in my dark bedroom and I still felt numb. How could everyone I trusted betray me like that and how could he have not told me he was alive or undead or whatever he was now. Joy had taken James over the Willow's so that when Mark came home any minute now I could figure out someway to tell him the truth or as much truth as he could take. I heard the front door close, the footsteps on the staircase, and the door to the bedroom turn open. "Mark?" I asked.

"Sorry Luv, just me." Spike walked through the door. "Willow gave me the key. She agreed with Faith and me that we needed to talk."

"Oh so now you want to talk to me. Are you sure that you wouldn't rather be laughing behind my back with Angel, Faith, and anyone else who was in on this charade. What I destroyed Sunnydale and had a baby, but I couldn't handle you being alive?" I burst into tears.

"They never told me that Joy was mine. I thought that if I wasn't around you could have a fresh start."

"A fresh start? Raising a child on my own and training the new Slayers that were coming in everyday. Yes, after a few years I stopped having to train the Slayers and focused on what was best for Joy. Which by some miracle included meeting Mark, but I never even considered not telling her about her real father. Although, I did use the name William and made up the lie about us being married, but I thought that would discourage teenage pregnancy and bikers."

"Ripping the boy into two pieces works well too. Plus we were engaged that one time."

I laughed, "I remember having to convince Riley that I would never marry a guy named Spike." I stopped laughing and looked at him straight in the face. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I should have known that you would have been here for Joy if you could have. Did you know that I named her after our two mothers? I remember you telling me once your mother's name was Anne. Joyce Anne just sounded better that Anne Joyce. I got the idea from Stephenie Meyers, but at least my daughter isn't nicknamed after a water monster in Scotland or imprinted to Angel."

"Are we okay?"

"We'll still fight. I mean we always fight, even when we were dating."

"And you wouldn't even admit we were dating."

" I think we are okay. Mark doesn't know the whole truth and I think I need to be the one to break it to him gently that my husband that died tragically protecting me in the Sunnydale cave-in is actually alive and wanting to be a part of his daughter's life. I'll leave out the Slayer and Vampire stuff for now."

"You've really never told him about who you really are?"

"Most guys can't handle it. Plus I've been retired for years."

"Fair enough, I won't spill the blood, your secrets safe with me. I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, it might be fun to patrol the cemetery again for old time's sake."


	11. Chapter 11

"Buffy," I heard Spike scream from downstairs.

"What….." I asked on my way running down the stairs after checking that Mark was still asleep. Then I saw my daughter in a bra and the slip I had bought for underneath her Easter dress. "Joy"

"Mom, I swear I was just hanging out with my friends at the midnight showing of Rocky Horror when he shows up out of nowhere and physically drags me home."

"You went to Rocky Horror," I tried not to laugh.

"Buffy, she was gyrating around talking about boys touching her and wanting to be dirty." Spike glared.

"It was a song in the movie," Joy rolled her eyes.

"And what about that man in the gold knickers next to you?" Spike asked.

"Spike, thank you for bringing her home. But I think as the parent who went to Rocky Horror when she was a little older than Joy, I'll handle the punishment on this one." I assured him.

"You went to Rocky Horror?" Joy asked impressed.

"In college, with a group of my college friends. Actually, Riley played the perfect Brad. He was so nervous and fidgety the entire time. Willow was an awesome Magenta and Xander, well Anya thought he was sexy as Frank."

"There will actually be punishment?" Spike growled.

"Yes, she lied about going out without permission to an R movie," I agreed.

"You went to the same movie with your friends and you constantly snuck out without Grandma Joyce knowing."

"I was saving the world and you are grounded for two weeks," I told her.

"Damn it, Janet." Joy muttered storming up the stairs to bed.


End file.
